A Single’s Guide to Pairing Wine With Your Date

Thanks to my gorgeous friend Suzanne for coming up with the question for this week’s column. Suzanne, being a sexy single girl, suggested some dating situations in which a good wine is definitely needed. Being a loving and caring friend, who hasn’t even thought of dating in 25 years, I figured I would be the perfect person to give awesome advice!

The Endless Talker: Suzanne explained this person as “the guy who has already talked about his two exes and is now on to the rebound girlfriend and the night is still young”. My suggestion to this is a good Prosecco. Prosecco is light and bubbly, gently sweet with a lightly acidic finish. The reason why you want this wine is because you can consume a lot of it over a pretty long period of time without too many bad effects. You’re going to need it to calm your nerves and give you something to smile about.

The Inquisitor: My friend explained this as the guy “who is good at firing off questions, but not good at listening to the answers. He spends a lot of time looking under the table at his phone because he’s holding a full-on text conversation with someone else”. My thought is hopefully he’s paying for dinner. If so, order something really expensive. A really high end Cabernet Sauvignon or red blend that hits all the notes. Ask your server if they have any “library wines”. If he doesn’t remember another thing about your date, he’ll at least remember the bar bill!

The Silent Type:  Suzanne explained this as the person who “gives monosyllabic answers and grunts as you try to hold a conversation”. What you really need here is a truth serum, but in the wine world the only thing that really cuts a guy, or gal loose is a little extra ethanol. You can either go high class, such as a nice Tawny Port such as Graham’s, or you can take him down to the tracks with a bottle of Night Train. The magic word here is “fortified”. Either way, his lips will be looser.

The Groper:  What to have, or not have if your body parts seem to keep getting in the way of his hands. What do you want? I suggest keeping your options open here. You might want to go with something like a good Mead. After all, Mead is considered by many to be an aphrodisiac. If you want to go the other way I suggest just hitting him with the bottle on the side of the head.

The Inhaler:  Suzanne explained this as when you “just get your main course and you look up to find his plate totally empty”. Ok, I resemble that remark. Suzanne and I haven’t even seen each other since the 7th grade and she still talks about my eating habits. Ugh!!

This is my friend Suzanne, who helped me with this column!

The Dream Date: Suzanne says this is the date where you don’t want to forget a single minute, and you don’t want to wake up. I say, awwww! That is so cute! The trick to ordering a wine in this situation is to pick a wine that you really really love. The thing is, wine affects our olfactory senses as well as our taste senses. These are the two senses that are most critically tied to our memory. When you smell or taste something it often reminds you of a past event or place. I would personally go with a great Pinot Noir. There are several, but many of my favorites are from the Salem, Oregon area. Erath, Eola Hills, Firesteed, and Sineann are among my favorites.

My best to all of you lonely hearts out there. Enjoy!

Know Your Bubbly Better Than Bubba

For us hard-core winos there are many occasions to enjoy a good bottle of bubbly. However, if you talk to any wine marketing expert, they’ll all tell you how bubbly wine is really only sold two times each year; New Years and Valentines. The crappy part about that bit of news is that people judge their whole “Champagne” drinking experience around two $6 bottles of Cooks Brut each year. I’m not saying that Cooks isn’t bad, but judging a whole type of wine by that kind of statistic is bad. So, knowing that I have a short time to tell you all I know about bubbles, I’m going to unload the best method of getting you what you want this year. That way, when you pop the cork at midnight and that cute chick you’ve been kissing under the misseltoe all night takes her first taste of 2012, she’ll know you know your bubbly better than any other bubba in the room. One thing you’ve got to know for sure is that most sparkling wines are NOT sweet. In fact most on the shelf are dry. (Sorry, us winos like it that way.) A little hint though. There are a few sweet sparkling wines. One that I love, and is relatively cheap, is Ballatore Rosso. It is pink colored, and goes great over a glass of fresh raspberries. If you really want to impress, I suggest looking for a nice Lambrusco, which comes in red or white. I remember the jingle from my childhood that “everything’s nice with Riunite on ice”. Riunite still exists on the shelf today, but this year I’m pouring a Dell’emilia Bianco LeGrotte white Lambrusco. It is lightly bubbly, with soft sweetness and a nice acidity to cleanse the palate. Great with the heavy, creamy and cheesy dishes of New Year’s Eve. Another slightly, off sweet option for bubbly is Prosecco. Originally this Italian wine was produced very sweet, but has grown drier over the years as it takes on the Champagne market of France. It is the main ingredient in a Bellini cocktail. This year I am enjoying a very nice bottle of Rustico from Nino Franco. This wine has wonderful bubbles as it enters the glass, which settle down quickly. It is done in the Frizzante style which is lightly sweet, but dries out quickly. Another great food wine. Now, as we’ve done in yeas past, let’s talk Champagne. Most people think they want this just for the name. but, when they actually taste it are unimpressed and switch quickly to mixed drinks or beer. This is my big warning. If you plan to drink “Champagne” that is sweet, good luck. Champagne, and the style Champenoise, are what is used in making most of the sparkling wines on store shelves. A local favorite is Domaine Ste. Michelle, where Rick Cascierro makes some fantastic wines of that style. The names Brut and Extra Dry are what you’ll usually find. These wines are dry. Usually made of either Chardonnay or Pinot Noir grapes, Champagne is delicious for serious wine drinkers, with bouquets of floral and fruit layered with minerality and acidity, and touched off by a slight hint of bread dough from the yeast in the bottle. My favorites are Veuve Cliquot, St. Michelle Blanc de Noir, and Moet Chandon White Star. Happy New Year, and HEY... Don’t drink and drive this holiday. It’s not worth it.