Saturday, May 21, 2011

Are You Man Enough To Drink Wine??

I don’t know why, but in this back-woods, northwestern part of America there is some unwritten code of masculinity or femininity that surrounds whether you drink beer as a guy, or wine as a girl. I’m here to call all you woosies out!

I’ve been drinking for more than half of my natural life. Many of those years have been spent at various tasting events. It never fails when I go to a tasting event where beer and wine are both offered, that the women all congregate around the wine bar, and the guys all congregate around the beer samples. What is up with that?

Now, I do need to admit that there is some biological evidence to suggest that the flavors of beer are more attractive to men than to women, but I know plenty of men who don’t like beer, and plenty of women who do. There are also very manly men who drink wine and very feminine women who drink beer.

The thing that gets me is that all healthy human adults have the same sets of receptors and neurons that allow us to taste and smell. In Europe and South America there are very manly men who drink wine every day. I dare you to call them sissies. There are also aboriginal people who make alcohol by vomiting up pieces of fruit and letting it sit in the sun for weeks on end. I dare you to drink that stuff. However, those folks think that the stuff tastes like heaven in a gourd.

This leads me to the hypothesis that there is some sociological reason why men in this part of the world have got it into their heads that they don’t want to drink wine. It isn’t that the wine tastes bad. Well, most of it at least. And, truly if they could think beyond the lizard portion brain, they would realize that wine has double the alcohol per ounce than most domestic beers, and a heck of a lot more punch than Keystone light or Busch Light. (Even if you shake the can and poke a hole in the bottom.)

Beyond the whole alcohol percentage thing there is more to think about. I’m not personally available for the meat market. As a matter of fact I’m happily married for 24 years to my beautiful bride this weekend. But, that being said, what are you morons doing over at the beer table when I’m hanging out with your mothers, wives, and lovers. You’re lucky it’s me and not some guy who is trickier with his wine stem.

The truth is chicks dig a guy who is into wine. I’ve seen many a woman swoon over a good looking winemaker like he’s a rock star. Even an ugly tasting room attendant gets more winks than should be allowed by law. While you guys are over there swilling your suds, the smart guys are at the wine table cleaning up.

Lastly, there is a direct correlation to those who drink wine and income level. There have been multiple studies done economically, sociologically, and in the marketing research realm to prove my point on this. Most men want to be upwardly mobile in their professions and careers. Men who drink wine have a high correlation with increased economic status.

So, the next time I’m at a tasting event with you, I hope to see you other guys at the wine bar. Don’t worry. We can still tell fart jokes and scratch ourselves if it makes you feel more comfortable.


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