Wine To Your Mother

My adorable mother, who has endured everything, including
being the subject of my blog!

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m pretty much your typical guy.

I like to think of myself as some special hybrid product of the 1970s and 80s, with a lifetime of daytime talk show hosts and self help books to make men more fragile, sympathetic, and empathetic with the plight of the common female. Somehow, I’m more sensitive than the other men around me.

Truth is, when it comes to special events like anniversaries, birthdays, and especially Mother’s Day I become pretty much the typical blithering male who doesn’t go and buy a card or gift until midnight the night before the big event.

Honestly, it wasn’t until I read an article from a female wine blogger this week that I realized that it is mother’s day next weekend. At least I’m a week ahead of the other dweebs with XY chromosomes out there!

So, I know most of us will be out there looking to buy mom a gift this week. I know that I need to myself. But, as you know, I won’t be purchasing anything until next Saturday night. If you’re challenged in that way, just cut out this article and tape it to your dashboard until next week.

There are two types of mothers out there. Those who drink, and those who don’t . You can usually tell the ones who do. They have an extra lilt in their step even when everything else seems to go wrong. It’s as if they are oblivious from all the yelling in the backseat, puke on their shoulder, and their bra being used as a slingshot for Barbie and Ken. They’ve achieved a special zen from living better through chemistry.

If your mom is a wine drinker you’ll usually already know what kind of wine she likes to drink. I’m always amazed at how opinionated people can be about drinking only “red” or “white” wines. However, if you don’t pay that close of attention to your mom I have some suggestions as well.

First, if your mom is a hard core wine drinker you won’t want to go to Rite Aid and just pick up any old bottle from the bottom shelf. Put down the Barefoot Moscato there Bubba and step away slowly.

Your mom is probably a little more defined in her tastes than that if she’s drinking wine on a regular basis. I highly recommend that you go to a wine shop or a local winery tasting room and purchase her something a little more special. The nice thing is that Spring Release just happened these past few weeks and most of the wineries in the region have just popped out several brand new labels that will likely make a discerning mom squeal with joy.

If your mom is like mine. An old, cigarette smoking, bar hugging, tavern frau (just kidding mom...love you!) you might want to consider buying her wine in a box. Otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend any form of bulk wine purchase for the woman who changed your pee pants.

If mom is a red wine drinker, I suggest getting her a nice bottle of red wine such as a Merlot or Red Blend wine. I've picked up a huge number of under $15 bottles from the Northwest red blends recently, and with a few exceptions I've been pretty darned impressed. 

If your mom only likes sweet wine I suggest picking her up a nice Moscato or Late Harvest Riesling. There are several great wines from this region that are sweet. They range from $7 to over $400.  The amount you spend depends on your level of guilt left over from your evil teen years.

I wouldn’t personally use Mother’s day as a time to “enhance” momma’s drinking experience by purchasing her a 50 year old bottle of Chateau Expensive. Just get her a nice bottle of wine that says I love you in liquid form.

Happy Mother's Day!

Restaurants Serving Grocery Store Wines A Poor Choice

The other night I met with some old friends in downtown Pendleton at a local establishment known for fine dining. I was looking forward to a few bites of grilled beef and a good glass of dark red wine to wash it down. Unfortunately I was both shocked and mortified that all that the place had on their glass pour list was the same stuff I could have bought at WalMart. The worst part was that the price for a glass was the same as I could have gotten an entire bottle for at the store!

I have a strict rule about writing this column. It comes from my old friend Thumper in Disney’s Bambi. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” With that in mind, I’m not going to rail on about my snobbish wine tastes and the lack of good selection in Eastern Oregon.

Quite to the contrary, I am impressed with some of the skills used by a few restaurant owners in the region. I just wish that everyone could come up to speed. My “ask” today is that you, the consumer, be aware of what is available out there and demand it. Don’t let some bozo restaurant owner bully you into drinking Barefoot Merlot for $6 per glass.

The first thing that you need to know is that there are many, many wines out there that are reasonably priced specifically for the purposes of restaurant sales. These wines are marketed as such, and aren’t even allocated for sales in stores. Many don’t even have a scan bar on the back label so they can’t be sold at the register.

These restaurant wines are a little harder to acquire, and many are locally produced. Unlike wines that are allocated for the major chain stores, their marketing efforts and dollars don’t go into big ads in magazines. They are focused on producing really great wines at the best prices for “on-premise” accounts.

Examples of these types of wines abound. As I mentioned, many are locally produced, such as many of the wines produced by Precept Wine Brands out of Walla Walla. These are amazing wines, made by renowned area winemakers for the sole purpose of producing wines that are affordable and attractive to the restaurant market.

A few of my recent favorites are the Gordon Brothers Kamiak Labels, Ste Michelle’s Antinori Family labels, and Terra Blanca’s new arch label wines. All of these are very reasonably priced for restaurant sale, and absolutely fantastic. What’s more, I’m not going to refuse to buy a glass when I know I can’t get the bottle at the same price at a local store.

I know what you’re thinking now…”But, what if all I want is a glass of White Zinfandel?” My answer is that there are still options out there, literally sitting in a warehouse ready for delivery to your favorite restaurant. All you need to do is tell your waitperson that you don’t appreciate them selling you Sutter Home for the same price that you could buy it at Safeway. Ask for something different next time, and expect it.

Enjoy!

Wine And Weddings A Good Combination

It’s hard to believe that Memorial Day is upon us. Soon it will be June, and either you or someone you know will be getting married. So…it is probably a good time for us to have the “talk”. The talk about wine at your wedding, of course!

Wine at weddings is an ancient tradition, steeped in culture and religion. After all, Jesus performed his first miracle by being a master winemaker at a wedding. (I’ve always wondered what kind of Wine Spectator score they would have given him on that vintage.)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run across people in the grocery isles struggling to figure out what they’re going to pour for guests, or buy for the newlywed couple. I can tell you this, that buying wine for a wedding is not as easy as it looks.

The problem is that there are wine drinkers and non wine drinkers. The wine drinkers know that you are a low budget slob for buying Crane Lake, soaking off the label, and putting on your own label. The non wine drinkers look at your cute little label, put the bottle under the table, and go get a beer because they aren’t going to drink it anyway.

My suggestion is that you go ahead and buy some inexpensive wine (not Crane Lake) and dress it up with a cute label. The cuteness effect will work, and your non-wine drinking guests will enjoy it thoroughly as a beverage. I strongly suggest Tisdale, Barefoot, or Sutter Home brands for this task. They are inexpensive and can be appreciated for their lack of rancid vinegar flavors.

Now that we’ve got cuteness out of the way, let’s take care of your wine drinking guests. I suggest that you buy a few bottles of wine for guests who, like me, are frankly snobbish about their wines. If budget is a factor, offer them at a no-host bar for purchase. Some great brands that offer fantastic value are Columbia Crest Grand Estates and Red Diamond. You can even take it up a notch and offer a wine or two from your favorite local winery. I’ve been to several weddings in the last year where I would have given my leg and my firstborn for a glass of decent wine.

The trick is to offer a few choices without overwhelming people. A good Chardonnay, Merlot, and Cabernet are three solid varietals to serve. You can switch the Chardonnay for a sweeter white such as Reisling, and the Merlot for a red blend. But, don’t add too many more choices.

A general rule of thumb for serving people wine is to offer approximately one bottle for every four guests of legal drinking age. So, if you have 100 guests you will need 25 bottles, or just over two cases of wine. My suggestion is to get together with store management and make your choices early. Most of the stores in the region are happy to oblige your special orders in advance, and not have their shelves wiped out on a Saturday morning.

All my best to the loving couples! May your years together be many, your children as plentiful as the stars, and your marriage be as pleasurable as the wine you serve on your wedding day!